You think…

You think I’m here. I’m not really here. I’m two steps behind and one to the left of everyone else. In a slightly OTHER world somewhere.

You think I’m listening. I’m not really listening. Your words are fuzzy and not worth remembering. The sound of your voice is getting lost in the slush that is my brain.

You think I’m ok. I AM NOT OK. 1/2 of me is dead and I don’t know how to tell you this. I’ve lost something great and I’m grieving.

Here’s the thing. I don’t know HOW to be ok and I don’t know HOW to tell people how I’m feeling. All I can say is I feel like shit. Lot’s of people say that. They don’t know what shit feels like. I find myself crying because there are so many things I want to do and I just can’t seem to do them. I used to read or scrap to ‘escape’ myself. I can’t even do that now. I just keep wandering around my messy house and noisy kids wondering what the hell am I going to do. I don’t know how much more I (or my kids… or my husband) can take of this.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s