Over the Hump

I got the first appt. out of the way. Yikes, what a scarey step. I sat in my car for a considerable amount of time just staring at the building… ’cause damn it’s ugly! Thick green-tinted windows and vertical blinds covering the whole front. Ok, the site of the building shouldn’t make a lick of difference, but I’m not going to pretend it didn’t. Met with the therapist. One thing I don’t like is that she is not available between appts. and seemed surprised that I would ask such a question. If I feel I’m in crisis I would call and speak to one of the mental health nurses. Ok. Well I’m just hopeing I won’t be in that situtation in the first place. One thing I really did like is that she is totally comfortable with me staying off my meds and learning how to find my way in the bipolar spectrum using congnitive therapy. As soon as she said, “Hey, it’s your life.” I knew she was going to be the right gal for me. If I do decide that I need some extra help I’ll see the psychiatrist, no problem.

One thing that really stuck out at me was during out conversation about my Zoloft history. I explained that the first year was wonderful for me… a great break from my emotions. The second year was dead for me (and I went into the specifics there). She seems to think that it wasn’t Z side-effects that I was experiencing, and believes that I spent an idea year in depression. Ok, this confused me at first because I thought that Z was supposed to correct that state. She said that it may not be the right med for me anymore. That it took care of the mania for me, but left me with the depression. Interesting thought. Could explain why I feel happier w/o it, as I’m able to experience those highs again.

Anyhoo… enough psycho-babble for one morning for me. Johnny is home sick from school, but if he feels well enough to play with Eden I can work on some PKPT layouts. I started one yesterday afternoon but got hung-up in a game of Kerplunk with the kids.

I am so a mom.

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